Frustrated

I really, really, really have to finish the midwifery course I started last year. It's only 4 weeks to complete, why can't I do it? Why has it taken me so long to WANT to complete it? I'm not very good at forcing myself to study!! I wish I was. Where did all my dedication, focus & determination go?

It would be easier [and cheaper] for me to do the course from home, if I would do it, but the in~class experiences I had were so amazing. But, my car is going to break down any day, and gas prices are ridiculous, driving 2 hours to San Francisco every weekend just doesn't seem logical.

Oh, and speaking of driving, I drove the other day! It was a short distance, 5 miles at most, and only slightly nerve~wracking. I felt a tiny sense of freedom. Was it enough to cancel out the anxiety that I did feel? Hmmm...

When I finish this course, then what? I don't have $12,000 to take the full 3 year course. Or even the $5,000 to pay for the first year. Scholarships & grants for midwifery [unless I want to be a certified nurse midwife, which I don't] are not easy to come by. I've only heard of one woman who got a grant, and it was "only" $3,000.